


Until the Very End

by dean_n_pie



Series: A Fic A Day [9]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, WOO, companion to at the last, have fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-25
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_n_pie/pseuds/dean_n_pie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5.13 from Arthur's POV, companion to 'At the Last'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until the Very End

**Author's Note:**

> I have no explanations.

Pain. Deep. Stabbing.

Mordred's sword had torn a hole in your side. You could feel the blood gushing out, nothing there to stop it. With your last remaining strength, you force your sword through armor and bone, killing Mordred. You stumble away lightheaded, refusing to look at the wound on your side. You fall to your knees by the rock wall, and everything goes black.

\----

The next thing you see is Merlin. It is dark, and he's crouching over you. You reach up and grip his shoulder; you thought you would have died before getting to say goodbye to him. 

\----

"Merlin. You are not a sorcerer. I would know."

Your confidence isn't as unbroken as your tone would lead him to believe. There's a little niggling voice in the back of your mind whispering _Are you sure?_ You ignore it. Because it's him, it's Merlin, and he's a horrid liar who would never keep anything from you.  
 _Are you sure?_

\----

"Leave me."

It can't be true, it can't. Ten years and he never told you? The betrayal stings. You refuse to make eye contact, moving away from him as quickly as you can, because you can't stand to touch him now. Not now, after he's revealed so much with no more than three words.

\----

"Give this ring to Guinevere."

You know now, you know you won't be coming back from this journey, that there is no destiny left but death. You try and remain strong, kingly, but you know it's pointless. And it's all you can do to give Guinevere this one token of your affections, this one object to remember you by. She deserves that much. And more.

\----

"You've lied to me all this time."

The words betray your hurt. They burn and sting in your throat, choking you on the way out. Because there is a mighty truth to them, scorching your soul. And speaking it aloud makes it real, more real than it had been before.

\----

"Why are you still behaving like a servant?"

Because it's unfathomable to you, that M- that this all-powerful sorcerer would choose to remain servile, would still accept a lower position that he deserves. So you ask, because you have an insatiable need to know more about this man, about Merlin. And you don't know if anything you knew about him before was true.

\----

"You cheated."

And maybe there is something salvageable between the two of you, because it's him and you, you and him. And nothing could ever come between that - you're drawn together by something stronger than the betrayals made.

\----

He still holds so much faith in you, even after you've turned him away. Even as you are forced to show how weak you've become. He still has faith, and that baffles you. How can he show belief, after all you've said and done? But you don't want to know, maybe because you're afraid of the answer, so you don't ask. There's a lot of things you never asked. And you regret it.

\----

"Why did you never tell me?"

All the pain, all the confusion, all the betrayed feelings make their place known in that small statement. You feel little, as though the revelation that Merlin couldn't trust you has made you less that what you were before. Which is silly, because he is a sorcerer. He should never have this effect on you. But still. And he reassures you, revitalizing your spirit, with words of praise and promise, and you feel yourself starting to mend.

\----

"So you're not an idiot. That was another lie."

Which is sad, that that is what you're focusing on right now, that he wasn't as much of a fool as you made him out to be. Although you never really thought that, did you?

\----

"I can't go on."

You've never given up before. But it's too hard to breathe, too hard to move. You know it's almost over, that your death is drawing nearer. So you can't help but give up. And it hurts even more, because he still isn't giving up on you - he always did have more faith in you than you had in yourself.

\----

"You can't tell me what to do."

And it feels familiar. It feels like home. It feels like long nights in your chamber working on politics. It feels like going on hunts, alone but for him. It feels pure. It feels untainted. And you smile inside as you say it, because it makes you feel closer to him, as though the betrayal never happened and you can ignore all the hurt between the two of you. So you bask in this moment, the singular return to normalcy, and you cherish it.

\----

"I want you to always be you."

It's eay to say, now, at the end of everything. Where you don't have to worry about the consequences, where you don't have to worry about the implications. You can simply say it and drift away, simply look at him and say the words closest to your heart. And you can see it start sewing his broken spirit back together. This little admission that means so much more than it seems.

\----

You know you're on your deathbed, so you figure it can't hurt to apologize. You say your apologies systematically and slowly, making sure he understands how fully you mean each one. And oh, how you wish you had more time for this, because there are so many things that have to be righted between you and him, and so little time to say them.

\----

You can feel death creeping up on you, slowing down your mind and body. And you almost choose to welcome it instead of fighting, instead of fighting to be with him.

\----

"Just... hold me. Please."

And here at the end, you can admit to needing comfort. From him. You can admit to needing to feel loved, even if only for a moment. You can admit to all your weaknesses, your emotional vulnerabilties, because soon, none of it will matter to you anymore.

\----

"Thank you."

Because you're in love with him - with this gangly, skinny, foolish, powerful boy, who raises you up to be more than you deserve. Who forces you to become more than you are. And it's a painful, tragic love, one that will never come into fruition. Because you can't tell him, not now, not when you're about to leave him. Not when you know admitting it would break it further. So you say the second best thing - you finish mending his broken soul.

\----

"Stay with me."

You hear it whispered, and it brings you back from the brink for a moment more. They're the last words you remember before you are pulled under.

\----

You dream of him.


End file.
